Friday, February 12, 2016

Poor poor neglected blog

It has been eons since I've posted  but one thing I have learned is that the older we get, the faster life happens.  Since Christmas, E and I have been filling our calendar ....with dr. appointments.  Our social life has taken a dive but we need to find out answers to health issues and deal with them...we are doing that.

I am recovering from out patient knee surgery...two tears to the meniscus, acl something or other, intolerance to the pain meds after surgery...boring boring boring stuff and slow but sure healing.  Enough said on that.

Today, my friend, Denita Wishart , posted on her vlog (voice blog)about what do we feel holds us back.  I am not a vblogger... I can barely blog my blog as anyone who is till following has noticed.  The whole question intrigued me though so, ready or not, here are my thoughts on what holds me back


In the past,  I worried about what people thought of me...I was careful what I posted as I was on a couple of major manufacturing companies design teams and felt the need to not put myself out there.  Do my art, be quiet and let the rest take care of itself.  And I found myself grinding to a slow halt.  Do I really need to prove myself...I was 67 and had been on 21 DTs of which 5 had been manufacture teams.  I had taught both nationally and all over the state...and I had been published (back in the day) in every sb mag out there.

I am a people person.  I want every one to be happy, to like me and to enjoy life like I do.  That has a tendency to back fire some times and one or two backfires made me doubt.  But I do not any more.
I don't represent anyone but myself...I am who I me or not.  I am happy being me  and before your do the, 'she doth protest too much' thing, I honestly don't care.

I am so happy to have the friends in my life that I do...I gravitate towards thinkers, people of strong beliefs who also respect others of strong beliefs even if they do not agree with their own,, humanitarians and lovers of life.  And my life has been so enriched by these people.

So, what holds me back from what I want to do? NOTHING and then the question presents itself...what do I want to do?

I want to create on my own terms and when I want to
I want to play...alone, with others but mostly with my Grands who have not concept of CAN'T
I want to be with people who love me for who I am with all my nicks and scrapes
I want to be the person my husband  and Grands believes me to be
I want to be the "Silly Nana" my Grands call me.
I want to travel to places I've never been and revisit those I have
I want to crisp bed sheets at night and dreams dreams undreamed before
I want to live forever...even if it only through the memories I form with friends and family
I want to be healthy and live a long life
I want to walk my morning walks all over my lovely small town
I want to
I want to
I want to

be me

and I am