My kids love to sit around at family gatherings and tell childhood stories. These usually start with "Do you remember when Mom....(fill in the blanks with bad mommy tales all highly exaggerated!).
One of the stories they tell is the time I lost them both in J.C. Penney's. They were both little and both had a slight speech impediment (which they have outgrown). I was trying to find Easter clothes for them. Kristen was about three and in the umbrella stroller and Rob had to be about six, maybe seven at the most. Neither wanted to be shopping and were getting antsy.
I turned around after finally finding a dress in Kristen's size and, not only was Rob missing but the stroller empty as well. I had only taken my eyes off them for a minute and poof...gone. I had been through this once before and had found them playing "let's scare the hell out of Mommy" by hiding under the rounder nearby. As I was trying to control myself and not scream, "If you two don't get back here right now, I'll blister your butts", the intercom came on in the store.
"Would the parents of Obbie Fernan and Titen Poorman please come to Customer Service. We have two lost children". Our last name was Fehrman but not only could the kids not even say their first names clearly, but said their last name differently. Now you can only imagine the skeptic store manager when I tried to explain these were both my children and that Poorman and Fernan were really Fehrman. After showing my drivers' ID, I was given my kids back. During this whole thing, neither of them said a word thus putting more doubt in the store manager's mind.
There is a rule when my now grown children tell these horribly exaggerated 'bad mommy' stories. When they have each told a tale, I say, "Now tell me something good about your childhood". Generally there is dead silence.